Out of all the possible candidates for Texan Douche Bag of the Year — and there were many in the running — Rick is the 2010-2011 Grand Champion DB. His tireless campaign to keep most of Texas’ residents under the radar of increasing oppression culminated on Tuesday in some of the most ridiculous budget cuts this state has ever known. Read as: We’re paying for Perry’s sins.
This Perry. The Tea Bagging Slick Rick of the South:
(And don’t be fooled by his awesome hairdo and false rhetoric this time, okay? Rick is really screwing us. Hard.)
The Gov says there’s a little something for everybody involved in Tuesday’s cuts. Oh, goody! Let’s have a brief look.
A minimum of 5 billion dollars in public school cuts, including pre-K, art, science labs, and teacher-incentives: He’s out of his damn mind. As if the teachers don’t have enough of a hardship with their ever-disappearing and expensive health and welfare plans, the state is going to make things even harder. Who wants to go to college four to eight years to earn a professional teaching degree, obtain certification, and maintain required yearly credits, only to fight tooth and nail for a job that pays less than an entry level McDonald’s manager? Additionally, in a state with such an influx of immigrants and Spanish-speaking citizens, eliminating pre-K programs will only cost more in the long run — and not just in monetary terms. As for the other targets: Art? Science? Wait, we still have those in public schools? Nah, for real? How can we possibly stop funding for something that is already completely missing from my kid’s current curriculum? We have got to be realistic about education instead of allowing Perry to run around our districts slashing fundamental programs that don’t cater to his Texan ideal. Pfft.
Massive fiscal pruning of Department of Health and Human Services and 18% reduction in CPS workforce, one of the hardest hit government agencies in Perry’s plan: Texas already has the least amount of insured people in the country. With this new budget, Medicaid and Medicare doctors will also be falling off lists right and left with the 10% reimbursement reduction. We’ve witnessed great tragedy with Perry’s WCC forcing comp doctors to basically opt out if they wanted to maintain a reasonable business plan, so why is he now doing this to our young and our elderly? Furthermore, can CPS possibly be stretched any thinner? Are they supposed to be able to actually protect children or just make it look like that’s what they’re doing in documents? If you voted for Perry, you better not tell any kids or old people about it at this point. They’re probably totally pissed off right now — with reason.
41% cut of state education grants for college students: This is excellent news! Vomit. I was *only* planning on sending my kid to college in this state. Seeing as how Rick’s 2003 budget really made it hard for most average peeps to afford higher education in Texas, I just assumed he and his fancy pants might help me out on this one. I get it, though: It’s best to separate the classes as much as possible. One of those poor kids might be interested in science and wanna work in that NASA eyesore Rick doesn’t like to talk much about. Then another one of those kids might uncover a direct correlation to all the north Texan earthquakes and hydro-fracking, and that’d be terrible for non-renewable energy companies. You know. Hey, no hard feelings. (Bastard)
9,600 government jobs slated for dismissal, with 1,500 of those in the prison sector: Clap hands. This is my favorite. Why? Here, I’ll make it big enough for everybody and everybody’s grandma to read.
Rick is increasing his personal office staff. Apparently he needs roughly twelve more employees because 120 just isn’t enough.
I feel pretty bad for the folks over in Huntsville, too. Damn the bad luck. With more and more inmates stumbling over each other in Texas prisons, what we don’t need is a reduction in guards. Making it even more difficult, this budget stipulates 14% less mental health and pharmaceutical care for inmates. In the words of Robert Downey, Jr., Natural Born Killers, “Batonga! Batonga! Batongaville!”
Atty General fees assessed monthly for child support payments, along with an annual CS processing charge: Seriously? We need to rename this budget the “Rick Perry’s Every Child Left Behind Plan” because the kids are getting their asses handed to them. Man, I hope Big Oil isn’t taking such a beating! That might break my heart.
$30 monthly surcharge attached to smokers’ benefit plans: Are these people already paying about five thousand dollars a pack now? Isn’t about $4,995 of that in taxes already? Come on. I’m not a smoker, but this is begging for a lawsuit. Are fat people going to be paying more? What about emaciated-looking people? What about people who don’t regularly exercise? What about people who drink alcohol? What about people who watch irregular amounts of Bravo (cough, cough)? Will they all pay a “surcharge,” too?
Rick Perry gains. We lose. Again.
I wish Ann Richards was still alive. She would have been able to solve this mess with a quick glance from that evil eye she had. I’m sure he pees his pants just thinking about her. She probably haunts his dreams at night inside that ridiculous mansion we’re paying for. Hell for Perry will be Ann Richards making him “pick his switch” off the tree until the end of eternity.
From the grave, Ann Richards continues to lead this state in a way Perry could never conceive during his lifetime. Be reminded, Perry and all, of what she forewarned in 1988 during the world famous “Ginger Rogers” speech. A snippet from Ann:
This Republican administration treats us as if we were pieces of a puzzle that can’t fit together.
They’ve tried to put us into compartments and separate us from each other.
Their political theory is, “divide and conquer.”
They’ve suggested time and time again that what is of interest to one group of Americans is not of interest to anyone else. We’ve been isolated. We’ve been lumped into that sad phraseology called “special interests.”
They’ve told farmers that they were selfish, that they would drive up food prices if they asked the government to intervene on behalf of the family farm, and we watched farms go on the auction block while we bought food from foreign countries. Well, that’s wrong.
They told working mothers it’s all their fault that families are falling apart – because they had to go to work to keep their kids in jeans, tennis shoes and college. And they’re wrong.
They told American labor they were trying to ruin free enterprise by asking for 60 days’ notice of plant closings, and they’re wrong.
And they told the auto industry, and the steel industry, and the timber industry, and the oil industry, companies being threatened by foreign products flooding this country, that you’re protectionist if you think the government should enforce our trade laws. And they’re wrong.
When they belittle us for demanding clean air and clean water, for trying to save the oceans or the ozone layer, that’s wrong.
No wonder we feel isolated. And confused. We want answers and their answer is that something is wrong with you.
Well, nothing’s wrong with you. Nothing’s wrong with you that you can’t fix in November.
We’ve been told – we’ve been told that the interests of the South and the Southwest are not the same interests as the North and the Northeast.
They pit one group against the other. They’ve divided this country. And in our isolation we think government isn’t going to help us, and that we’re alone in our feelings. We feel forgotten.
Well, the fact is that we are not an isolated piece of their puzzle.
We are one nation. We are the United States of America!
That said, I’m not a prisoner or a guard, but I am a Texan. I may not be a little girl in school, but I’m a Texan. I am not a teacher nor am I a CPS worker or a college student or the librarian at children’s story hour or the lady who gives free immunization shots down at the Department of Health and Human Services, but, just like all of them, I AM a Texan.
Rick Perry, if you want to cut funding, go dig around in corporate welfare a little harder. I’m pretty sure Texas has some chump change to be forked over in the less-than-starving woods of Texas Tea and natural gas drilling and insurance companies and all the other plastic-faced industries who show up to state Senate and House hearings to prevent anything that helps the real people under this Texan flag. You have spit on labor. You’ve spit on women and children. You’ve killed education. You’ve done nothing to truly benefit families in this state — whatsoever. You’ve done nothing to close societal gaps. How the hell do you claim to be a “godly man”? Godly like your BFF Tom DeLay?
There have been political leaders in the course of history I would have died defending, but, you, sir, are not one of them.
And you are definitely not a real Texan. You’re just a real asshole.
P.S. Mom, thanks for calling me at 10:30 at night to light this newest Perry fire. I’m glad I’m your go-to girl when you need to vent about what a coward we’ve got for a governor.